Are people fair people gullible?

Some people are naturally team players. They give a lot and expect the same from the others. I would say that is the right way to play ball, but I bet that everyone has given has sometimes felt cheated afterward. Maybe you borrowed money for a friend in trouble, but never got it back. Maybe you bought a pint for someone, but never got one back.

I had an experience of feeling like a schmuck after promising a client something for free. The reason I write about this is to help others to deal with things in a more professional way I did.

Basically there were four parties involved in the deal. The end customer didn't want to pay the extra expenses (which was my services) for another party who was responsible of handing the project from their consultant to me. The third party who found the contract for me called and told me about the situation. Because handovers in projects are important for everyone involved, I told her that I might be willing to work one week for free if other parties are flexible as well and all my expenses are covered.

Because of the project was starting in about one month I expected that everyone would pay for one of the weeks and I would get 75% of the billing from the first month. How wrong was I? Very.

My broker basically sold one week of my work free for the end customer and negotiated about the expenses in such a bad way. Because the project was in another city, I was expecting in addition for the 75% billing the train tickets to the city, accommodation in a good hotel, covered taxi costs and a day pay to cover other expenses which is common in my country. The expenses which was covered was the cheapest accommodation in the city and traveling by public transportation!

Now I am not sure whether the end result was because the reality of the ones negotiating is very different from mine or that their only purpose was to get as much with as little as possible. It didn't really matter anymore because I had only downsides left. I could have thrown aside my plastic shovel and told the other kids that I am not playing anymore. I could have thrown a fit and cried that I want a good hotel. The best thing I could do was to shut up, play nice and collect the brownie points.

One of my favorite philosophers Jim Rohn suggested that give your time and energy for the people who deserve it, not the people who need it. Some people might consider that heartless, but given the time we have on this planet we have to prioritize things in our life. You can help some people all your life and not change them a bit. Just in the same way, you can give some people so much but not get back anything.

Another thing that Jim says that you should give people promises to inspire them to do something. If you take one step, I take two steps. If you take two steps, I take five steps. If you don't step, I don't step. Its still a fair deal, isn't it?

I thought about the situation afterward and came to following conclusions:

• If you are in a negotiation situation, don't promise anything right there. If it is possible, tell them that you will get back to them in email. That way you have time to ask if the others are flexible as well and you also end up having your promise in writing.
• Ask what the others are willing to do if you are flexible. Are they also willing to step? You can use the Jim Rohn quote: "If you take one step, I take two steps. If you don't step, I don't step."
• If you are going to be flexible, avoid offering anything for free. Everyone loves free things and will take as much of it they can carry. Try discounting your price instead. That way you always get something.
• Always start with end result in your mind. What do you really want from stepping their way? If you want the good hotel and taxi bills covered, say that right away. The others might not have the same standards that you have and its not their fault.  

Do you have anything to add?

As an ending quote I would like to say that being fair is a basis of collaboration. If anyone has a feeling that they have been mistreated, their good will has been abused or that the other party is treating them just as an expense... the collaboration is not on a solid ground.

For anyone interested I would recommend also a book by Stephen Covey - The Speed of Trust. The book is about the impact of mutual trust for businesses and relationships. It might help also you to see things in a new light.